Families & Their Well Being
The children have all gone to sleep, you’re in your living room trying to distract yourself from a gnawing pain in your stomach by watching Netflix.
You realize you’re almost halfway through the show and you don’t even know what’s going on. All you can think about is the fight that erupted between your husband and son over your son forgetting to wash two dishes left in the sink after dinner.
Two dishes.
Did two dishes deserve world war 3 in your home? Is this what you’re really upset about? Or is it deeper?
Over the past three years, I have heard so many heart breaking stories like the one above.
Sure, the situation changes like ones over “You’re spending too much money prepping!” or “Why should we change our finances around over your conspiracy theories?” or to entire families just feeling distant…to…not even knowing how to work together without a huge blow up like this family experienced over dishes in a sink.
Several people have been asking how to address this for a while and, frankly, it’s difficult no matter who you are.
But if you have read this far…Let me show you a method that I have seen be successful with marriages where both the husband and the wife are willing to work at this - even if it’s begrudgingly.
(This method works very well with single parents and has also worked with couples where one parent just gives it a go…and…the marriage gets saved! So don’t tune this out if you’re not a couple!)
Back in the day, I used to photograph weddings after leaving my project management job to be with my (first) child (now I have three kiddos).
Some clients were so excited to get married and have amazing families because they either came from amazing families or they came from dysfunctional ones and they didn’t want their family life to stink like their childhoods’ did.
I get it. I had some major issues growing up and it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders when I went to college.
STEP ONE
So, I gave all my clients copies of the books “For Women Only” & “For Men Only” as gifts to start their marriages out on the right foot.
(These books are religious, but the amount of research that went into them is….incredible.)
The feedback from my clients was amazing! They were shocked at how different the opposite sex’s brain works and most of them gushed at how helpful the books were and they watched their relationship get stronger from understanding each other better!
(So feel free to give these books a try!)
STEP TWO
Next, I suggest reading the book “The Kindness Challenge” and doing their 30 day challenge! You should see a good shift after the challenge is complete and you might even feel inspired to do this as a family!
Now, back to those dishes in the sink, hopefully by now there is less resentment, better communication, and more happiness!
So, let’s work on parenting!
Parenting has fractioned off in this country to anywhere between 20 & 100 different ways depending on the psychologist you talk with.
Crazy, huh?
And that’s taking a very hard toll on our lives, marriages, and families.
The splintering and fractioning needs to stop and we need a holistic approach to heal ourselves and our families.
STEP THREE
The most accurate & holistic parenting book I have found is called “Hunt, Gather, Parent” and I highly suggest you and your spouse read this book , since this is the real foundation for parenting.
A follow up book I have suggested several families read is “Bringing Up Bebe” which shows further steps that have been proven to be successful with helping American families with stress, picky eating, manners…etc…(and you’ll feel some of the foundation of “Hunt, Gather, Parent” under many of her stories).
Now at this point some families will say they’re moving
along a lot smoother, tension has dropped incredibly
in their households…and dirty dishes fights have ended!
FANTASTIC!
BUT, other families will say that there are still some
issues with meltdowns or old ways or some are
stuck in bad dirty dishes patterns - this is completely
understandable too since change can be hard!
If you’re in the second group…please check out the book “The Whole Brain Child” it will walk you through how to heal yourselves, what’s going on at different levels or stuck-ness…and it even gives you cartoons in most chapters to teach your children how to do/think/be healthier with life. (If you still feel stuck…keep reading we’ll talk about helpful therapists soon!)
And now that you’re doing better with your family, let’s pull those loose ends together!
STEP FOUR
The book “The Secrets of Happy Families” is a wonderful collection of ways that all happy families tend to work together to become better people. You’ll love implementing these steps into your own household so your home feels like a shelter in the sometimes storm that life can be.
If you’ve made it through all these books…give yourself aaaa
BIG CHEER!
You’re doing things that your great grand children will be grateful you implemented!
And, last but not least, ….. Get going on that family mission statement, set some goals, make some traditions, and have some fun at your weekly family meetings! Florida Freedom Family is 1,000% cheering you on!
SPECIAL NOTE
I completely realize that some people reading this are single parents and/or have a spouse who absolutely does not want to work together/listen to books/read books….
For the single parent or those who feel single - all these steps are possible for you to do and implement for a happier home life. I hope you’re also connecting to FFF so you can parent within a tribe. We do not want you to feel lonely in this journey that is parenthood & life!
For the spouses with vastly different ways of handling the crazy thing that is this clown world…I see you and hope you can find ways to work together.
If nothing else, the book “The Secrets of Happy Families” has a good chapter about resolving conflict. Also, “The Kindness Challenge” has been used by one spouse onto another, unsuspecting spouse and very good results tend to occur over 70% of the time.
Edited to add: Since writing this blog post a new book has come out called “Fight Right” and I am highly recommending this book to any couples who feel stuck in a loop around certain fights. It goes deeper than the chapter in “The Secrets of Happy Families” and helps you both understand how you fight.
If you’ve tried all that and need to move to a therapist…I highly suggest finding one who practices EMDR therapy, NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) therapy, or EFT therapy. Those therapists seem to be the most helpful at helping people and couples get over their blocks.
For couples who are open to working with a therapist so they can function more like a team; I have found the Gottman network to be one of the better networks of therapists who actually understand how good couples work together and will give you both tools to improve your marriage.
No matter what happens between the two of you….we’re still here to support you and cheer you on! You are loved here.
With love & hope,
Isabel
P.S. Members have access to our library that will have summaries of these books coming out over 2024 filled with action steps. The main books we’ve found to be most useful to FFF will be included at all membership levels.